Science, Folklore and Rational Opinions
by Official .the. Blah
Summary: The guardians have defeated the misunderstood and sulky "Boogers" Man; Jack Frost misses being a pain in the touchie; North cackles &cries at his toes; Hunter Garcia-Johnson wants everlasting "duck" tape for his older sister, Brooklyne, who thinks "rationally and scientifically" and also thinks that Santa is "an irrational abomination". All this because it's the wild stae of Texas.


**Prologue: A concerning Hunter who brings cackles**

Seven months, that was all it had been: _seven months_ of being a guardian without the threat of Pitch Black, and already Jack Frost was missing his freedom. He missed causing trouble and invisibly getting on peoples' nerves: he missed making faces at stuck up and prissy teenagers, he missed tripping business officials, and he missed not getting into trouble for his actions. All in all, Jack Frost missed _not_ getting attention. After the big fight with the nightmares and the misunderstood Boogey Man, Jack had been receiving letters through North's mailbox thanking him for what he had done. Of course the letters were only from six people, but they just wouldn't _stop_:

_Thank you for protecting all the children around the world._

_Thanks for making nice snow._

_I saw a lovely snow flake today, thank you for making them so pretty._

_Thank you for making me believe again._

_Are you coming again soon?_

_Will I see you at Christmas? _Etcetera, etcetera…

And one particular one that he was still trying to decipher, obviously written by Sophie under the instigation of her brother, Jamie: _Farkns fir tkae Booggers in awoy._

Jack rolled his eyes with a half-smile on his lips as a yeti handed him another letter while he sat contently in the Letter's Office, but before he could open it a startled exclamation turned his attention from his letter to the yetis in the room. Then, out of the blue, one of the Yetis -Carl- presented Jack with a letter, and he eyed the address skeptically: _Texas_? He looked up towards Carl, who had a very concerned look on his face, and tried to listen carefully to what the Yeti was garbling out. Jack had been learning how to speak in the Yeti's chewy dialect as North had invited him to stay at the Pole, so he tried his best to understand.

"Please bring this _eye_ to _Nap_?"

The response he got was an eyeroll and some more mumbling before, "_Graarg, _okba _draarg_; bir _Chiaarg_ okba _niaarg_!"

A few moments passed while Jack's brow screwed up in concentration and his eyes narrowed at the floor before he looked up with triumph and understanding, "_Oh_: 'Please bring this _note _ to _Santa_'. Right, I got it." And with that, he whisked the letter from Carl's hand and flew up towards North's office, missing the silent cussing directed at him from the yetis in the paper office.

North's office door was shut tight as Jack approached the room, and inside North's baritone voice could be heard, "A'right, почти нет, just _a leetal_ bit more…almost got eet…-_doing_-_plink_-NO!-_thump_-_crash_-" A few moments of classic silence was followed by a rather feminine-sounding exclamation and some colourful Russian words, "лох perdet'! Tee Karova!" Jack had half a smirk on his face while he watched North's silhouette flail wildly behind the door, and he giggled at the harsh words Santa was throwing at himself. This went on for about a minute before a huge and exasperated sigh sounded from the other side of the door and Jack saw the huge figure slump into a chair with his head in his hands.

Tentatively, almost anxiously, Jack approached the door and gave it a knock. Almost instantly, the door flew open and the angry face of Father Christmas appeared, but it quickly softened into surprise when he saw who was standing outside. "Jack? Vhat are you doing here?"

Jack's face sprouted an imp-looking smile, "You invited me to live here, remember?" He giggled at the face North pulled and sauntered in when the door opened wider for his entrance. As he entered, he saw the largest looking music box mechanism he had ever seen lying on the floor with springs and screws lying around it; next to it lay a request for "Une boîte à musique grande qui joue la mélodie: Masquerade du Fantôme de l'Opéra film", and an address for a home in France.

"I am sorry for mess," mumbled North, and Jack could hear the annoyance in his voice. He sat down in the chair next to the mechanical mess while North stalked around to the other side of the desk and sat down in the big armchair opposite his seat with another large sigh. "So, vhat can I help with? You sent by zhe Yeti?" his face had softened as he addressed Jack and one could only guess that he was ignoring the failure still lying on the wooden floor.

"Yeah," Jack said as he placed the envelope on the desk and slid it forward towards North, who picked it up and moved to remove the letter. "I just got given it by Carl; at first I thought that it was just another 'Thank You' note, but I don't think I've ever helped anyone from Texas." He ended off with a wry and self-possessing smile while North shook his head in good humor. The room went silent for a few minutes as North scanned the wrinkled page, when he suddenly lifted his eyebrows and his facial expression slowly turned a mild expression of shock.

Jack thought something might actually be wrong when North let the note flutter down onto the desk and he went red in the face. His shoulders started trembling and his fists balled up; Jack thought he was angry or was about to have a heart attack, so he got ready to jump up and call a Yeti, but he hadn't even made it out of his chair before North let a snort pass through his beard and burst out laughing. His laughter was contagious and soon after Jack found himself chuckling along too, at what he didn't know.

When North had eventually laughed himself to tears, he swallowed the rest of his giggles and wiped at his eyes. Jack had stopped laughing a while ago and had resorted to smiling at the old man's snorty laugh, so when North had eventually stopped laughing, he was ready to hear what was so funny. Still smiling like an idiot he spoke up, "Well…?"

North looked at him before bursting into laughter again, but he quickly regained composure, lifted the letter and began to read, but he didn't even get passed "Dear Mister Clause…" before he began chuckling again, tears clouding his vision. Jack was getting impatient and jumpy with curiosity, so he snatched the letter from the other man's hands and began to read:

_Dear Mistar Clause_

_They're two things that I wood love to have for Chrismas: the first beeng a Cowboys and Ndians gunners kit with reel cowboy stirrups and plenty steel BB pellets for the two guns in the pack. Please could you make sure that the gun as well as the bullets can nock beencans down from a good distanse away? The second thing I wood like is something I am willing to beg for. Mistar Clause, I will get down on my knees for this and I will even offer you my servise for the entirye year if you give me this. I wood love it if you could take my sister's mouth away. I know that souns horrible Mistar Clause but she wont stop telling me things that no boy needs to know. of corse I don't believe her when she tells me that Santa don't exist or that the Tooth Fary aint nuting but a monster that eats teeth, but she is vary anoyin Mistar Clause so please put some long-lasting duck tape on her flap just until she is willing to stop her naging._

_Sansirley_

_Hunter Garcia-Johnson_

_P.S: My adress is on the other side of the paper._

Jack lowered the letter and looked towards North, who was still cackling like a maniac, with an incredulous look on his face. How could Santa Clause, _the_ Father Christmas, be laughing at something as odd and concerning as this? But even as Jack watched North laugh himself silly, he knew somewhere in the back of his mind that the man in front of him was also feeling concern and even a bit a dread; how would they grant Hunter Garcia-Johnson his second Christmas wish without causing issues?

A/N: Another crazy idea for another weird story: Rise of the Guardians. I will be writing more soon for both of my stories as well as creating three more, so hopefully by the end of my holiday, a lot of literature will be transferred from my far-from-normal mind into cyberspace for your eager little brains to read, process and tell you to laugh your bahoongkers off. As I have said in my Bio, I adore criticism and would love to hear what you think of my absurd ideas, so push the button…*insert hypnotizing eyes*

"Official .the. Blah…


End file.
